The idiot box

The television has come a long way ! I remember a time, when we were kids and we would go visit our grandparents haveli in Askaripur, which is a small village whose length and breadth i could cover on foot. It was located close to Bijnor where my uncles still live and is another nondescript town located in Uttar Pradesh. My grandfather although a big erstwhile "zamindar" did not own a T.V. He found no use for it. Village life was far more entertaining for him and all day was spent in conferencing with other oldies of the village with the latest grapevine or discussing & forecasting the weather and listening to BBC news over the radio. Oh yes!! He was the most well informed person i knew. And it never ceased to suprise me how well he knew what was going on around the world with just that old Philips Transistor glued to his ear every evening.
The month of summer vacations we spent there were the days i have the most vivid memories about. We didnt need a T.V. All day was spent conjuring up new games, counting all the wells in the village, begging for a rupee from my grandmother so we could get 10 pouches of yummy chooran from the shop nearby. Climbing trees, bathing in the tubewell, eating fresh sugarcane and having a puff from the hookah when my grandfather was nodding off. The only time we did miss the T.V. was on Sundays when "Mahabharat" series was a huge rage. We all used to go the neighbours house and sit in front of the small T.V. marvelling at the various kinds of arrows with different colored auras, each outdoing the other.

Even when we got back to civilisation (read Delhi), i dont remember being glued to the T.V. at all. I think a lot of that credit goes to my father, who was very strict with the time we spent watching it. And the ones we did watch were watched with a lot of loyalty. Episodes of Byomkesh Bakshi, Vikram aur Vaital are still fesh in my mind.
Cut to today
Today there are hordes of channels, with multiple options pertaining to all genres, but i find myself saying more than ever "There's nothing to watch on T.V. tonight"
We spend more time flipping channels than actually seeing something. We begin by seeing something and end up seeing something else entirely. We lose track of movies midway because intermittent ad breaks just make us lose interest. Very rarely are we able to see one program through. Today if somebody asks me what i watch on T.V., i find myself searching for an answer.
I think families today are spending more and more time in front of the idiot box chewing off the scarce family time they get together. Infact, many homes have 2 or more T.V. sets !! We cant even force that time together. If instead we spent time talking to each other, we would not only strengthen bonds with our children but find that entertainment is right there at home, in each other's lives. That's reality T.V......right in our homes

When in Rome...

This oft heard adage that says "When in Rome do as Romans do", is sounding more and more convincing as years go by and we travel around the country. Our country itself is so regionally and culturally diverse that many Romes make up this beautiful land. Every city, town, metro is different not only in language, but the way you dress, speak, eat, behave, commute, socialise, celebrate, etc etc. Since we have moved about quite a few cities in the past 8 yrs I think I am in a fairly good position to see first hand how we ourselves have changed a little bit in every city to gel with the crowd.
Superficial changes in my wardrobe, language and attitude have helped me mingle with the societies in every city. I think you as a person are considered "safe and normal" when you appear like the rest. If you are too hip or too local, then mostly you are just shunned as someone with an attitude or somebody not your class. In either case one would end up with no company and eventually nobody to socialise with.

But what is it about appearances that make us judge a person without even bothering to get to know him/her? What is it they say about first impression being the last one.
Your personality cannot take a 360 degree turn, but just a few little touches here and there can get the ball rolling.
The same rule applies in corporate culture. Are we all speaking the same language, essentially translates into does everybody think in the same direction, have similar values and are we moving towards a common objective. At work if somebody thinks radically different, dresses or behaves unlike everyone else, then he is quickly labelled an eccentric. Without as much as giving the chance of something creative that could solve the problem in a much easier way, bosses would much rather go the beaten path.
Whenever somebody has had the courage to take the path less travelled, it has reaped success. But for that one needs total belief in that path.

I am usually good with gauging a person's personality with the impression i get from the first meeting. There have been several instances in my life where i have had to change my thoughts about a person, but eventually in time, i always go back to the first impression i had formed about him/her. This has helped me in life and i consider it as part of my sixth sense.

We take a lot of pain in keeping up our appearances in order to make a good impression whether its to our bosses, guests at a party or in-laws and relatives.
I guess that's why whenever I set foot into my own house after returning from a trip to my kid's school or a 2 week long vacation, the feeling is always of great relief. Its a place where i am ME. I dont have to care about appearances or impressions... i am just myself.
Why cant we shed our pre conceived notions and just accept people the way they are? Why do we judge people by the way they dress ? Why is it that when we travel we go with an open mind and are accepting of everything that comes our way. Is that the reason we enjoy our vacations so much ? Because we allow our mind to open up and breathe....

have conviction

When you marry and eventually have kids or you adopt, there is another universe that opens up. Kids bring about this change in you , make you aware of the side of you that never existed. Your entire life revolves around them. A lot of parents think of parenthood as an investment. I know some of you reading this might be taken aback by this statement, but its true to an extent. Infact a majority of the traditional Indian society has loads of expectations from their children. In some cases its unspoken but hinted, in some its thrust upon , in some its vocalised right at the time of birth. "Arree bhai, hamara ladka to engineer banega" or a girl born in the doctor's family is predestined to be a doctor. If the child decides to go against the grain then either he/she is a rebel or a loser. In most cases the poor child trods along the path charted for him, goes through endless hours of coaching classes, tuitions, counselling, somehow managing to get through the entrance tests. Even when the poor fellow doesnt make it through any decent college, parents are willing to spend lakhs in getting him through a private college just so their son becomes an engineer. Did anybody ask the poor kid what he wants to do in life.
When a child finishes his school he doesnt know what to expect in the big bad world outside the protected environment of his home and school. The subjects of biology, maths, english and geography dont tell him how to apply them in the world. Does scoring 90% in maths make him a mathematician. Does being good in maths make him a good engineer. Is that the translation ? Or does the idea of building things like machines or buildings tell him to pursue engineering. Similarly, is being good in bio translate into him pursuing medicine or is there an innate need in the person to save human lives and reduce pain and suffering.
Parents need to counsel their children on what they want to do in life, what is their passion and help them discover it. Today's world has opened up in so many ways, there are so many avenues. music, literature, theatre, DJing, painting, photography, food, bartending...
Our schooling system rounds up our personality and makes us ready in a way to cross the threshold, but it is very important to realise our passion.
I see 90% of people around me doing things they are not passionate about. They simply do it because its the safe way to be. A monthly wage packet which takes care of their family, pays their EMI's and funds their vacation. Does it require guts to go on the path less travelled. Will the world collapse if you are not married by 27, have kids by 29 and own a home by 30. And this can only be achieved if you go the safe way.
Going the safe way does give you all of the above, but the nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach which haunts you every 3-4 months and tells you "is this really what i want to do in life?".... how do you handle that. Is it brushed away as a whim or a fantasy, truly swept under the carpet, when the next EMI comes along ??
Give your child the courage and conviction to do what he enjoys the rest will follow, yes its a tough choice full of ambiguity, but the world is more accepting now, and our uncles and aunties are more understanding...... after all isnt that what we are most concerned about ?!

to friendship

novels have been written, movies have been made and poems have been composed on this human relationship. As they say you can't choose your parents or your boss, but you can certainly choose your friends. Friend is a term used today in multiple sense. Business contact, network contact, neighbour, colleague and dont let me even get started on the "Facebook Friend". For me, i can count my true friends on my finger tips. There was a time, when i was still in piggy tails, that everyone i spoke to either at school or the playground was termed a friend. One evening my father asked me, how many friends i had, i happily rattled off all the kids names i knew. He laughed and said " i mean friends , not acquaintances"    Not having realised the gravity of this sentence i happily went on with my life. Now when i recall those wise words i understand the true essence of friendship.I have been unlucky by not remaining in proximity of my friends and have always been hundreds of miles away from them. I neither talk to them on a regular basis, but i do think about them every other day. i think about the laughter we shared, the silly jokes we could laugh hours on, the secrets only they know and the tears we have wiped off each other faces.
Friendship for me has always been on a pedestal. I would do anything for them without any expectation, just to see a smile and that look which says a thousand words. I would happily take the blame for a situation, and go beyond my comfort zone to foster trust between us. Its something i would never take for granted and i believe that these bonds i share with my girls are spiritual. We may not have talked for the past 6 months, but the next time we are there in each other countries or cities, we pick up right where we left off. There is no awkwardness, no formality and certainly no expectation. I am not the one to remember birthdays and anniversaries but really do feel like a pig when everybody remembers mine. Yes i have flaws, i am human, i get angry and sometimes spiteful but its only a friend who realises these are just words at the heat of the moment. Later when we have cooled off we hug and remember the good times.
There was a point in my life, when i thought i have grown past the age of making new friends, but as you lose pre conceived notions, you realise that there are people like you all over the world. Everybody is not scheming and manipulative. there are still people who will be a friend and not judge you.
The stronger bonds have been formed in times of adversity, could be in anyone's life, but the friendship has always been stronger and grown with time when you have not judged the other person and not failed their trust in you.
In a woman's life, husbands play a very important role, kids are the centre of our universe but the only people who keep us in our orbit are your friends. The support structure which keeps you on track and which if u break away will also fill the gap for you.
This is an ode to friendship, a salute to my soul sisters. You know who you are, and I treasure you in my heart. This is to let you know, that even when you grow old and wrinkly and the birds have flew away from your nest, i will always love you and be there for you.....

Eclectic

On monday night we went to a restaurant which was on a hill near Vagator and since the Goa season is somewhat coming to an end, it was also pretty scary to reach the place as the whole road was unlit. Our spirits lifted when we stepped into the place
The restaurant called "Sri" was highly recommended by our neighbour who is an irishman. Greg, and his friends have proclaimed themselves as the Goa Tourism Board.
There is a very close knit expat community in Goa who live here for the greater part of the year. They only go back to their respective countries for visa renewal and to visit friends & family. They live life fully.
Having fulfilled their life's responsibilities , they are here to live life for themselves. Not for anybody else. There is no sense of being a martyr, nor are they stuck in a job they dont like. They do yoga, swim, read books, sun bathe, drink, smoke, eat and chill.
They embody the true spirit of Goa !! No wonder they have conferred that title upon themselves.

Well, coming back to Sri, it was an experience quite different, unique in a way. A large Shiva & Buddha statue was the first to be seen at the entrance and this set the mood for what one could expect inside. As we prodded on we were greeted with a mix of a large wall painted with another Shiva with flowing wild hair, a calm Buddha on the opposite, sprinkled with tiffany lamps in the middle and kitsch curtains bellowing in the wind. The music was French lounge and the walls were adorned with art ranging from Gandhi to Scream masks to Goblins to Flower power. A large Royal Enfield dominated the centre of the restaurant.
It was nothing like i had ever seen before; and then,  i met the owner. The story revealed as soon as i saw him. The gentleman had exhibited all that he liked or believed in. Walking into his restaurant was like walking into a collage show of his life. It was colourful, eclectic, thought provoking and exciting.
I often see homes of close friends and find them either a straight lift from an interior magazine or i feel like i have walked into the Home section of a Lifestyle Mall. There is no identity apart from some photo frames which give away the owner.
I like homes which stay in the mind long after you have left them. A mirror to the owners personality and not merely governed by what the latest copy of Femina says.
Your house is your sanctum. its a place where you just be... well  you!! And when you invite someone to your house, you make him privy to your life, your thoughts, things you appreciate through art, movies, books or posters. Its a reflection of you and your guests learn much more about you other than your social behaviour.
Its amazing how one can do a complete personality assessment by just observing the way a person lives. Is he organized, is he well read, does comfort supercede everything , is he influenced by other people's opinions, is he careless, is he environment conscious, is he religious and on and on and on.
Take a leaf out of this and reflect.
Does your house speak of you?

punctuality; a rare virtue

What is with us indians and time?  Really , is being on time considered to be an ego buster, will your importance grow with every minute you delay for an appointment. I especially find this phenomena with Doctors. Unless there is a long queue in front of the clinic its fruitless for the doctor to arrive in his office. I sometimes get scared when there are only 1-2 patients waiting. I half expect the doctor to call and ask us to go home. Forget an apology for being late or even a half hearted attempt at some lame excuse, the natural pysche of a patient is that he forgets all the anger and frustration and instead feels he is in company of a greater being. Bow thee !!

I analysed this trend a few years ago when i was expecting. I used to be the only single women in the waiting room as i would go straight after work. If you have ever seen a waiting room of a Gynaecologist you would understand where I am coming from. I mean all , and I mean ALL women were accompanied by either their mum-in-law/ mom/husband/sister/ aunt/ niece . Or in some cases the whole jing bang. And when I used to enter, eyes usually followed me and saw behind me; they expected someone to follow, some escort. And then they looked at me again with questioning eyes in the beginning , then understanding eyes and then eyes which said “I am sorry for you, you single/divorced pregnant woman”

But I was neither and yes it was strange for me initially, I wouldn’t look at anybody else, I would carry a book and immerse myself in it till my name was called out and pretend to talk on the phone on my way out. As my pregnancy was complicated I had to make several rounds of the clinic. So over a period of time everyone, right from the ward boy to the nurses to the receptionist and the Doc’s secretary, all knew me by name. I didn’t know whether to be proud or feel sorry for myself. But this familiarity helped me in a way, as other patients thought I must be the hospital owner’s or the doctor’s relative to be known by everybody around. It definitely eased off some of the awkwardness and I felt much more comfortable going for my appointments. 

But i still had to wait.

I guess it comes with the package of a good doctor. The better the doctor, the more you wait. Only then do you feel you have earned the right to meet him. Is it?

I wish a certain degree of professionalism also got induced in this aspect of medicine. I would be the first to applaud !!

Restless..

Days come and go, months, years…… and with each passing moment this utter sense of not attaining your full potential grows inside you. Were you meant to do better things in life, is this not your destiny,, wherever you are this moment, home, work, travelling, resting, writing, reading.. are you what you are supposed to be; a photographer, an executive, an entrepreneur, a social worker, an artist, a sailor, a writer…. Is this really your true calling. Does this give you joy.

Our lives have so many facets. A woman is a daughter, mother, sister, bhabhi, daughter in law, all at the same time. For her kids she is the cook, chauffeur, primary care giver, play mate, teacher, friend, guide all rolled into one. Our lives really are full to the brim. If we allocate each role half an hour everyday we would run out of the number of hours in a day. This reminds of a wonderful and really insightful article I read a few months ago.

It talked about how to do everything in your life fully. Its only then do you really enjoy the true pleasures of it. When you get up, get up fully. Appreciate the light around you as it touches your face and gives colour to everything you see. The water is blue, the flowers are red and the trees are green because of this ultimate source of energy- the sun. Take it with your arms wide open and ask it to colour your life, let it not be dull even for a moment.

When you drink tea, drink it fully. Experience every nerve ending reacting to the tea entering your body.

When you eat, eat fully. Savour the individual ingredients and how the crunch releases the flavours in your mouth.  How you are blessed that you receive this enjoyment everyday.

At the risk of sounding like a monk, I have gone ahead and given you the discourse. But please let it not be just that. Practice it for a day, I did. Two days back I did this complete exercise. With my son yapping in the background, it’s not that I had to live in a monastery to do this. And its amazing, I am still thinking about the breakfast I had on that day. Was it something exquisite. Not really it was just toasted bread with lettuce and tomatoes. It was so amazing that I had the same thing the next day, but I didn’t have the same feeling, because I didn’t eat it fully. I was constantly after my son to finish his breakfast quickly so that we can do something unimportant.

I mean really what is this urgent need to finish our food as soon as its served to us. Its like a race against time. Its like if we don’t finish it in 5 minutes ,,, its going to vanish..POOF !!

Even when we go out for dinner, if its only family ,, we are waiting restlessly for the menu to arrive, restless for the waiter to take the order, restless for the food to arrive. And when the food comes, it’s a very sincere effort to polish off our plates which have a time bomb ticking next to them. We don’t even wait for the waiter to whisk away our plates we ask him to prepare the bill first.

What’s all this restlessness about ? Oh! And we wont eat dessert here because frankly we have had too much of this waiter’s slow service and too much of this ambience. We will, however, go a different place to seek new fellow patrons, new ambience, new slow waiter and repeat the travel against time exercise there as well.

What is this restlessness about ?